


We'll Survive for You

by AceVII



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Best Friends, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Platonic Relationships, Sad with a Happy Ending, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:28:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29185551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceVII/pseuds/AceVII
Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 EPISODE 8Set after the death of Sasha Blouse, Jean and Connie find comfort and strength in each other on the way home.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein & Connie Springer
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	We'll Survive for You

**Author's Note:**

> I cried writing this just as hard as I cried when she died.

Jean stared outside of the window of the aircraft, hands clenched as one was pressed firmly on the side and the other stiff by his side. Connie had finally fallen asleep on the floor near him, tear stains still fresh on his cheeks as even more slipped past his shut eyes. His eyes softened instantly as he quietly made his way over to his friend, kneeling down and softly wiping away the stray tears. This wasn’t fair, none of it was. Sasha was the least deserving to die like that, least deserving to die in general. Unlike most of them, she still had family living, and an admirer on top of that. All of that, the future she dreamed about, was stripped away by two damn kids.

Jean gritted his teeth bitterly at the thought, even a mention of those brats killed him inside. Then there was Eren Jaeger, that fucking suicidal maniac. He knew the Scouts would come running to save him, knew they would risk life and limb for his life, and yet he still pulled this stunt. He and Eren had never quite seen eye to eye, but now Jean couldn’t stand looking his way. Any chance of them being friends was gone. They were allies, but that’s it. They needed Eren for the good of humanity, but their ties ended there. 

His focus was brought back to reality when he heard a muffled whimper. Glancing down, he found Connie turned over so his back faced Jean, shoulders shaking. Jean carefully tried to turn his friend back to face him, but Connie shook him off and curled in on himself. The two-toned haired teen sighs tiredly, but instead stands and moves so he is sitting in front of his friend again. The sight shattered his heart even more than he thought it could break. Connie in a ball almost, one hand held tightly against his mouth, muffling more broken sobs. 

Jean is frozen for a second, processing just how much pain Sasha’s death was putting Connie thought. They were like two peas in a pod, best friends and close enough to be family. Of course it would stab either of them like a spear through the heart if one lost the other. Gingerly, he reaches out and places a hand on the shaking teen’s shoulder, squeezing it as if to say “I’m here.” Connie tenses up for a split second before he suddenly sits up slowly, making Jean think he messed up for a second. Without warning, the shorter friend dives into the taller’s arms, wrapping his arms around Jean’s neck. Jean immediately accepts it and hugs his friend back tightly, allowing Connie to dampen his uniform with his tears. 

They sat on the floor together for a while, the taller allowing the other to grieve. Jean resituated them so his back was against the wall and Connie was nearly on his lap, arms now to his own chest as Jean’s were around his back. Jean simply stayed silent. That was the last he could do since he failed to protect their best friend, just to sit and grant Connie time to cry. The grey haired teen let out a shaky breath, burying his face closer against Jean’s neck, to which he responded by cupping the back of his friend’s head in a way of protection. The door opened to the area they were in, and Jean, who was already tense, grabbed a dagger he had on him instantly. Armin stared down at them, eyes full of sympathy and sadness as he nodded and closed the door without a word. Connie had curled around him, as if trying to hide himself from whoever had walked in.

Jean rubbed his friend’s back “It was only Armin” he whispers so only his friend can hear.

Connie simply nods and eases up a bit, eyes still not meeting his friend’s. Jean understands and moves the grey haired teen’s head back so his face is hiding in the crook of his neck. Minutes go by, and eventually he feels himself dozing in and out of consciousness, Connie already exhausted from crying and asleep. He tried to stay awake, to protect his friend if needed while he was in this vulnerable state, but his body got the best of him and he soon dozed off. Jean doesn’t know how long he slept for, but he figures not too long since no one else had come in or was looking for them. He looked down to find Connie’s head on his lap, sleeping peacefully, something Jean wouldn’t dare take away. 

Another few minutes go by before Mikasa and Armin both walk in quietly, both seeming to be surprised one of the two were awake. The blond teen goes and kneels on Jean’s right, placing a hand on his shoulder while the dark haired girl does the same on the left. All three sit in solemn silence, the only reminder of them being there was Armin’s comforting touch. Connie’s soft breathing causes Jean to loosen up just a tad, enough though for Armin and Mikasa to start to feel comfortable as well.

“How’s he doing?” Armin finally breaks the quiet.

Jean sighs “I think okay...no...he’s doing bad actually. I’m not even gonna try to sugarcoat it, not this” he decides firmly.

Mikasa nods “We all understand Jean, you three were all close, and you have a right to mourn” she says softly. 

Jean nods and they fall back inside silence until…

“I could’ve done something.”

Mikasa and Armin stare at the other in shock and also sadness. Jean was staring down at his lap, at Connie’s broken figure.

“I could’ve reacted faster, or used my damn ears harder” he spits out "Hell, I should've made those idiots shut up when she told me she heard something. Her instincts have saved us before."

“We all know it was a shock Jean” Armin begins “No one blames you but yourself, and you can’t let yourself succumb to that.”

The tallest nods “I know” he whispers “I guess I’m still just...lost maybe.”

Mikasa stands “Come on Armin, we should leave them alone to mourn in peace, and also so they can give each other reassurance” she says.

Armin nods as stand as the both of them walk out. Leaving Jean, once again, alone with his head and a shattered shell of his friend. He bites his bottom lip to keep from crying as he runs his hand gently through Connie’s fluffier hair. He was growing it out finally, and it was at the point where it was just long enough to rack your hands through. Jean didn’t want to wake his friend with his cries, but they came like a tsunami and quickly had his sobbing bitterly and with anguish.

Connie wakes up slowly as a tear hits his cheek and he turns his head up to see what the drop was. His eyes widened at the sight of his friend, their commanding officer, with large tears streaming down his face. Jean, like Connie had been, had his hand smacked against his mouth, muffling the heart wrenching cries and noises. The shorter teen sits up and pushes the taller’s hand away, placing both hands on either side of his face so Jean had to look at him. Connie carefully ran his right hand through Jean’s, pushing extra hairs out of his friend’s face. 

Jean looks away, even though his face couldn’t move, and looks almost angry. Connie frowns “You can cry for her too Jean” he says hoarsely. 

“I know,” the taller says with a small voice crack “I know.”

“It can’t be worse than mine,” Connie points out he tries to lighten the mood.

Jean nods a bit before the first sob emits and cracks Connie’s heart and soul in two. The two-toned haired teen sobs into his hands and let out a pained wail, causing the other to quickly pull him into a tight embrace. Connie holds him tightly as Jean hugs him, grasping tightly to his friend’s uniform. He had never seen the taller teen like this before, even when Marco- oh shit. Marco...now Jean had lost important friends to this damn war. A war no one had asked for, but were still forced into. This war that had taken countless lives, most forgotten about or not even known of. 

What the hell had Eren been thinking?! Hadn’t they lost enough already? Did he even feel sorry? All these questions spun through Connie’s mind as he held his best friend, now the roles being reversed and he had taken the role of protector. Damn you Jaeger, damn you and your manipulation of the Scouts, and your sureness that we’d come. The short haired teen was fuming now and he was half ready to storm down to where the shifter was being held and kick the shit out of him. 

Jean pulls away after a few minutes, furiously wiping his eyes but stares at the floor afterwards.

“Thank you Connie” Jean mumbles finally “for staying.”

Connie’s heart clenches at his friend’s word before he places his hand on Jean’s “I’m here till the end Jean, you can count on that” he nods firmly. 

Jean chuckles weakly “Don’t make promises you can’t keep Con, everyone knows that.”

“I plan to keep it, in fact, I know I will” The shorter replies and forces Jean to look at his face. “I will survive with you, and I will take you out for drinks when we’re old so we can look back.”

Jean’s eyes widen a hair before he looks down with a small smirk “Okay then” he says “Let’s survive this war.”

After they composed themselves a little more, they both walked out of the room, both having a goal in mind that had to be done. They traveled past the groups and Armin and Mikasa, heading for where Sasha’s body was covered. Floch goes to stop them, but is surprisingly held back by Levi. Connie kneels down and breathes in a shaky breath before pulling the sheet back just enough to see his former friend. She looked so...peaceful. Like she was asleep. Jean’s breath hitched from the other side of her prone body, seemingly just as surprised as he was.

“Hey Sash” Connie begins with a slight quiver in his tone “I- dammit Sasha I’m sorry!” he groans as he looks away. “This never should’ve been you laying here” he whispers miseribly.

Jean sighs “We’ll keep fighting though, till this whole shit war is over, and prove that your death wasn’t for nothing” he growls.

The short haired teen nods firmly “We promise Sasha, we’ll make your death mean something.”

Jean bends down and kisses her cold forehead, and Connie repeats the action after. Then after they make sure she is covered once more, they both stand and turn to face the others. Their demeanor was changed and their eyes held a chill that not even Levi was expecting. 

“What’s the plan?” Connie asks coolly.

Jean crosses his arms “If Eren’s planning it, you can count me out. I’m not risking anyone else just so he can play reckless protagonist” he snaps bluntly. 

Mikasa looked shocked as Armin stepped forward “Jean, watch your mouth” he warned softly.

“Why?” Jean huffs “Eren led us here. Why should I put my full faith and trust in him again?” he questions.. 

Connie nods in agreement, both having decided that Eren was an unstable ticking time bomb, and they’d fair better far away when it explodes. This all happened because he decided to do something, and he pulled them down with him. They couldn’t ever seem themselves trusting him like before ever again. At that moment, Eren is led out to be watched more closely. Jean and Connie stare daggers at him, a stare even the shifter was shocked about. He expected his friends to look at him like this, but it still felt like he was being dunked in ice water then left to melt in the desert sun. He had lost their trust, and he was ever going to get it back.


End file.
